Saturday, November 27, 2010

death is just a word.

It must've been days. By now, the feeling is just numb.
Waiting, correcting, figuring out every answer based on facts.
I haven't got a clue.
I tried my best to guess but it's always me whose wrong.

No matter how hard I tried to forget it, it's always going to be me.
Even if, I tried speaking it to you,
it won't matter, it'll only turn around or you're going to misinterpret everything I've said.
It won't matter.

Nothing is going to be the same if we're like this always. 
I've done everything to make sure you're happy to make sure you're alright but have you ever thought of seeing me that way?
Have you ever thought thinking of me that way?
Have you ever thought of sacrificing for me?

Words won't matter anymore.
I've given up.
I'm tired.
I'm giving in towards life.
Maybe I should just die!

I bet you won't even care.
My feelings won't matter because it's yours whose important.
I'm nothing but a pathetic over bearing chaotic person who doesn't care for anyone but you.
Let it be. Let it be. Let it be.

I dead to you.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

One day Pt 2

keys rambling
door closed

"Ughhhh, what a horrible day!" I moaned

I saw little furrie running towards me. "Hi there baby, did you miss mummy?' I held him up high as I kissed his forehead. My beautiful persian white cat, furry, hairy, and smelly. "ughh, furrie did you poop on mummy's couch again?" I went to check on the couch and saw a bundle of poop my cat made as a give for leaving him the whole entire day. I pat him on the back and put him down on his bed, i pour his favorite dish, it says "Tuna with extra shrimp and calamari". While he dig into his food, I pour milk just for him to drink so he won't choke. Furrie is such a hungry cat. "No wonder you're fat and dingy"

I went outside to throw out the trash furrie made. "I have to buy new couch and new pillow cases and arghh...!" I've fallen down the stairs and landed flat on the ground with the trash on top of me. The smell was revolting! I didn't waste any time and stood up on my feet and start cleaning again. I'd realize that furrie was either angry with me or he might need a lady friend. I guess I have to find a feline now. "Oh well, if that makes him happy"

Door closed

I looked at furrie, he was playing with the mouse toy i bought for him last summer. "You are lonely, furrie..." I went to pick him up to play with him. I pat him on the back and I turn on the television. I looked at him again. Thinking to myself, are you really lonely? or you're just hungry? "look at you, you long-haired, flat faced cat! Are you lonely?" Ughh asking him that question makes me thinks I'm lonely! Pitiful my life is. I went to take a shower and clean myself from a day worth of scrubbing people's back and faces. Some people are clean but some people aren't that clean. I've decided to take a hot bath to relax my body and senses with a lavender bubble bath and some diet coke while listening to the kooks.


I've fallen asleep for 1 whole hour. My skin is wrinkled and is that furrie? "Furrie! What are you doing inside the tub?" I say him swimming inside the tub. "meow..meow.. meoooowwww.." "what is wrong with you furrie?" I dried myself and took the hairdryer to dry furrie, and to my shock, furrie isn't a him but a she? Huh?!!!! How did that happened? I dried furrie as fast as i could and place him on my bag. I rushed to the vet .

I was running as fast as I could and furrie kept making strange noises like some pregnant women trying to give birth. It was loud, people around me looked at us awkwardly and I apologize so many times until I found the vet. I knock on the doors because it says closed. I knocked so hard that the window cracked. I saw a disgruntling figure, I screamed "hey! somethings wrong with my cat, help me please! she's screaming like hell! please! help!"  The lights were turn on and the 'disgruntling' figure open the door and said "its closed, LADY"
I was extremely unhappy to see him but furrie needed help and I didn't know any other place that could help only the vet. Furrie kept making weird sound, awful, awful sound. When he closed the door I screamed "Okay! I'll go out with you, Please save my cat.. please..." I cried. I cried so bad I said "Don't let her die, she's my friend" He opened the doors and let us in but his face was disingenuous. I knew he didn't let me in on purpose but I was screaming I guess he felt sorry. He asked me to wait and he locked the door.
"Your cat is giving birth" he looked at me with his piercing green eyes. He tooked the bag and showed to the emergency room. "so this is the emergency room?" I asked him shyly. I didn't know my reaction at first until I saw his eyes. I was looking at him, seeing him wear the rubber gloves and "meoooowwww!" Oh my, that distract me. I was puzzled at first but I saw the look on his face. "How is she?" I asked and He didn't say a word just did his thing with furrie. All I could hear was meow and meowww but most of the time I kept hearing "auwww.. auwwww.. auwwwwwwwwww" I was numbed! I was trembling like I just saw a ghost. I was shaking and my face is pale as white. The sound was unbelievable, it sounded like a screaming pregnant women screaming the pain out of it. I couldn't bear to hear it anymore. I left the emergency room with hand closing my ears.

I felt like a father. Honestly, I was walking about the hallway looking through the peak hole and I saw another figure. "That must be the doctor" I thought to myself.
"He is" someone said behind me
I screamed so loud even furrie stop screaming "ahhhhhh~!!"
"chill, dude! that's my dad, his the doctor here." I turned around to see a 12 year old boy wearing a yellow pajamas and the first thing came up to my mind was... "banana"
"what?" he looked at me confused and dazed.
"nothing, you look like a banana and I was..hmm.. never mind"
"whatever man, here fill out this form and you can wait here for my dad to finish his job"
I nodded in agreement towards the kid and I asked him "do you live here by any chance?"
He smiled and answered "yes, maam" and walked away.

I looked at the form and I was confused from what had happen for the last hour which didn't come to my mind very concisely. I filled up the form with nothing on my mind. Blank.

"Hello Julia" A voice came from behind. I screamed my head out.
"Do you have to scream all the time?" He was obviously mad.
"Sorry, you surprised me Dane." I answered
"You'd remember my name?" He was cheerful this time, more like to be joyful that I remembered his name.
I just smiled and I wanted to see furrie but he was distracted by what I'd say and I passed the form to him by hitting his torso. I walked into the emergency room and I thought it was weird "Is it really an emergency room?" The doctor just smiled at me. He said that the clinic was previous a hospital but it got shut down for some reason and people rented the place. He decides to make this place his home and his clinic. I saw furrie with her babies. I went to pet her but the doctor told me not too. "Don't touch her yet. Wait for a few weeks until the babies is old enough. Or she won't accept those kittens" I stood there and confused, I simply said "I thought she was a he, the guy who sold them to me told me that furrie is a male feline and wa-wa-wa... how did she get pregnant?" The doctor didn't reply my question since it was obvious but I was intrigue by how my furrie could get pregnant. Then I thought of another cat by the ally, I call him Shakes.

"So, your boyfriend is shakes. I don't even have one, you have one"
I saw Dane smiling at me and I wanted to avoid any eye contact with him but I couldn't resist those piercing blue eyes. "weren't your eyes green just now?" I asked him.
"You've met my brother, Daniel"
"Oh, Yeah, Daniel" I replied embarrassingly.
"His my brother, he worked at the coffee shop"
I wanted to ignore him by counting the babies furrie have but I couldn't resist when he said the coffee shop. I was too ashamed to remember it. Too much of heartache has been done for one day, I've decide to go home.
"SO, You want to go out with me?" He asked me.
I twitched my head sideways when I recall the screaming incident an hour ago. I didn't know how to react towards him.
"I thought he was you and uhm, you were him and there's only one dane" I begin to mumble. What am i thinking? Shut up! shut up!
"I'm Dane and His Daniel, you could see the differences"
"huh? wh-wh-what differences?" shut up julia! shut the hell up! you don't need to know! the man embarrassed you in front of the whole public!
"turn around and you'll see the differences."

I turn around to see Daniel wearing a black round neck t-shirt with Hate me on it and plaids earth colored shorts with dirty and muddy brown sneakers. No wonder you're unhappy I looked at his face, his has those piercing green eyes I fell in love with, I agreed with myself that I did, his hair was slightly longer than dane's but his eyes... My heart started to pump drastically. "Lady! You're standing on blood" I look down and suddenly, the world turn pitched black.

I arose suddenly, my head hurts, I think I hit something on my head. "Ughh, That hurts." I tried to recall what happen and I did. When I remembered what happen, the first I'd do is see where I was, I on the floor, simen cold floor. My cloths were with blood and I saw dane no wait daniel wait.. "whatever, I'm tired"

I stood up holding whoever i hold, and said to him "I'm gonna go home and take a rest, I'll come by tomorrow" He didn't answer just kept quiet but something about him made me smile. He smiled when he saw me smiled as well. I left the clinic with 50% of my brain still confused and another 50% thinking of whoever it was. I walked away, and turned around to see Dane obviously waving at me. I walked past the convenient store and took a left turn to my street and astonished! "Lucy???!"

Lucy was squatting and she was holding a binoculars. "He-he-hey, Julia" Awkward!
"What are you doing, lucy?"
"Nothing, just walking around catching some fresh air"
"fresh air? Lucy, you squatting next to a trash can!"
"it's fresh!" Lucy remarks

I walked away from lucy. I took 5 steps and I said "come on Lucy, Let's have dinner together"
She cheered and hugged me from behind. Knowing I had a very long day, i've decided let's give this a try shall we? A taxi was about to drove by and I forgot that I left my purse at the clinic. I told Lucy that I forgotten something and she immediately answered the clinic. I was even more suspicious but what the hell. We both walked all the way back to the clinic and I wasn't sure what I saw but I wasn't happy about it. I really wasn't. Lucy hold my hand tightly and calmed me down. She kept saying "it's ok" repeatedly. But I wasn't.

 I think I saw Dane kissing somebody.
In front of me


notes: thanks for reading! i hope you'd enjoy this one. And I have a neck pain from writing this part for a very long time. anyways, I hope you enjoy and if you have any suggestion you can get in touch with me on my formspring. thanks! keep on reading. :)

Thursday, November 11, 2010

One day

I came to you by chance. I didn't even realize it was you. I didn't notice you. Inevitably, you were there always.

The story:

It was Monday morning, I was walking down the streets to go to the office. It was crowded with people walking about. All were rushing, all were gushing and no one was looking the other way. Everyone was busy with their lives. I thought to myself, I wouldn't want to live my life like this. I didn't want it to be like this. People were too busy for work and everyone forgot about their lives, family and even friends. I didn't want it to be like this. 

As usual, I went to the coffee shop. It was packed as usual. I gave away a faint smile as it was the best coffee in town! People would come from other district just to buy their coffee. The line was long and people were very patient, they can wait I guess. At the counter, there's 3 barista, one of whom is a long worker there. I guess he is the owner now. I'm not sure. I never asked them anything. I've been told it was suppose to shut down but it never did. As it was my turn to order, "Hey, Julia! What will it be today?" the barista said smiling. I was stunned and my first reaction would be "You know my name?" He stood there and smiled as he nodded signaling that he did know my name. "I would like to have regular black coffee with turkey and roast beef sandwich extra pickle and mustard" He stared at me "Not your regular order, okay" He walked away and prepared my orders.

"He knows my name? From where? Oh my god! He's a stalker!" The rest of the barista laughed at me when I said that. I flushed. "Uhm.. It's okay I don't need it." When i was about to open the door and leave, he came up to me, "Here is what you normally ordered. I prepared it earlier and it's still warm." I was even more stunned and embarrassed!

"How did you know my name? and How did you know what I usually order?"
"You do realize you're wearing your name tag right?"
I looked at chest and "awww... Okay"
"Oh my god! You're looking at my chest!" I yelled
"I'm not lady! stop dreaming"
"Uh! What? Lady? I am not that old to be called a lady!" "for your information I'm 25 and I'm still young and gorgeous"
He sneered and walked away. 
"That's 10 Dollars including the tip lady"
I stood there embarrassed, I realized that people were watching me and gossiping about me. Some were saying I was pursuing a younger man and some were just nuisance! 

I walked as fast as I can towards my office building. Pressed the button to open the door. My heart were racing, it beats like thunder. I flushed in red, even my blusher isn't that color. I was so embarrassed, even my reflection annoys me. "ughhhh!" I stood against the door and breathe till I came to my senses. 

The air was filled with lemon scented sticks, my friend Lucy made them. The scent makes me calm again. Lucy looked at me oddly, "What's wrong with you?" I sighed "Don't want to talk about it" I sank into my chair and took a peak at my breakfast, making sure there's no worm or any species that could kill me. There were none. "Haaaahh, thank you" Lucy just rolled her eyes, it meant okay you're crazy. I went on eating my breakfast happily and drinking my coffee like there is no tomorrow. Thinking about that incident makes me angrier by the minute and i was still embarrassed that I felt like I forgot something. 


I saw him at the door! Looking at me eating my breakfast. I tried to avoid eye contact with him, ignoring him. Lucy saw that i was acting weird. "what is wrong with you? kinda mental" 
"Lucy, there's a stalker outside the door! don't open the door! wait till i'm gone" I whispered to her.
She looked at the door and wave towards him. I was shocked! "LUCY!! YOU GAVE ME OUT!"
"Ohhh... I wasn't suppose to do that?" sometimes I think Lucy is stupid but more often I think she is clueless.
"KNOCK! "KNOCK!" I went to the door and pretended I didn't know him. 
"Welcome to NQ Spa and Salon. How may I help you?"
"You can help me by paying the 10 Dollar you owed to the coffee shop!" 
"I'm going to report to the police if you don't pay lady!"
"PAY UP!!!"

"excuse me? this is a spa not an arena!" Mr Lou standing behind me.
"Oh my.. Oh.. Good morning Mr Lou, I hope you have a wonderful breakfast" trying to ease the mood.
"like someone here" he sneered again
"I did Julia, until I saw two crazy people fighting over breakfast. Like cat and dogs. Only you're humans" He walked in the office like a slumber as if nothing happen.

"wait here! I'll pay" I told him. Lucy came up to me "He is kinda cute! You should introduce me to him"
"Lucy! He is horrible! A Stalker! An obsessed barista! and crazy!" 
"really? I like that" I guess I was right, Lucy does have something wrong with her. "Oh-Kay!"
she cheered and jumps "stop it! he'll see" Lucy went to the door and smiled widely towards him.
"here! You're money. And this is Lucy" 
"Hi, I'm Lucy. I work here" 
"thank you. next time don't forget to pay JULIA. Hi Lucy, tell your friend here she's old" He walked away.

"Oh my god julia! His hot!" Lucy eyed him till he vanishes from here sight.
"stop that! he is not hot. He is ugly. and annoying plus he said i'm old!
"you do look old, you know" 
"Lucy! Get to work! I'm flustered as it is!"

I throw my rubbish to the bin and I saw the receipt. "Hi, I'm Dane" was written on it next to it was "can i ask you out?" 

to be continued